Have you every had a day where you wonder what on earth it is you are trying to accomplish? Yesterday, sadly, I had one of those days and it made me wonder why it is I go to church. From waking my kids up to get them ready in time to leave, and explaining why we have to do our hair before going to church, to when we finally get home...things just didn't go the way they should.
Emma has this thing about the stand at church in the chapel. I don't know if it is the microphone, or just that it brings her attention, but we have had trouble with her up there before. Yesterday was bad though. Right after Sacrament meeting was over, as the primary is gathering in their benches for opening exercises, my daughter is found running circles on the stand. It took one of the men in the bishopric to catch her as I am trying to not chase her but get her to come to me. Mind you I have a sleeping baby in my hands while trying this. Then after I get her to sit with her class, I leave and a friend comes and finds me telling me that Emma is asking for me. I go back. She comes and tells me something that I can't understand, and I tell her to go sit quietly and reverently with her class. What does she do...run up on the stand where the Primary President is starting opening exercises. It takes not one, but two different teachers to catch her. In the mean time I am shaking my head and wondering where I went wrong. Now, this is bothering me. All though Sunday School and R.S. I am pondering over what it is I can do to help her be reverent and show respect while we are at church. This takes away from the lessons that were given, and I truly felt like I had this over weight burden I needed to figure out.
Shawn was in Mason's nursery for a while as there was only 1 teacher who showed up, and 9 kids that are under the age of 3 in there. He reported to me that Mason is the only one in the class that wouldn't sit at the table for snack time, he wanted to wonder. He also didn't sit and pay attention to the short lesson that was given (this didn't surprise me). Not that I really care what people think of me, or really my kids, I did care yesterday. I am sure there are people in our ward that think I am a bad mom cause my kids are not reverent, they can't sit still, and they give their teachers a headache. On top of it all, I am sure that they think that I am not trying to figure out this thing they call parenting. That isn't why I am in the Family and Relationships class during Sunday school. Our family home evening lesson tonight: reverence. Is is going to do any good? Being optimistic, yeah, I think it will...but I also think that I have to change A LOT here at my house, and that is going to be hard. I don't know how to get Mason to sit still, and I don't know how to get my 4 year old to listen when we are in public. Besides threatening her, how do I help her understand what all her friends know. Where am I going wrong. How do I change behavior...change mine first? What is it that I need to change? Can I have an answer now? You know, even on my knees, the answers to those questions, still take more time than I want to wait. I want to start changing things now, not in a week, a month, or a year, or when ever that answer comes.
Maybe I am too nice, and I need to be mean. But the Savior wouldn't agree with that statement. I don't think that I know what it is I am doing. But than again does anyone really understand parenting? Does anyone know exactly what it is our children need at any given moment? If you do, I want you to tell me how it is you know and what it is I am doing wrong.
I am still going to attend church with my crazy children. I am going to because I want to worship my Savior, learn more about my Heavenly Father, and renew my covenants. I know that I am a better parent than I would be with out my religious activity, so for no other reason to attend church...it is so my kids are better than they would be with out it.
5 comments:
Here's the deal, your situation is normal. Your children are normal. All the things you described are normal. Take a deep breath and be confident that you are doing a great job and that you are a great example. Sure we can implement changes in our homes in an effort to help teach reverence, but often, the most important thing is for them to see you be reverent. And with time, they will emulate that. You are a wonderful mother and you are not failing. You have young children, who, like my own, are strong willed. That does not mean you are doing anything wrong, it just means they are active, busy and, well, kids. So keep doing what you are doing. Keep teaching and guiding them and the rest will take care of itself!
I think every mom has those moments. And you're right, the Savior wouldn't want us to be mean to our kids but a lot of times we think it will be more helpful and we do it anyway.
I know I could easily just say I want to stay home because I'm almost 8 months pregnant with 2 young kids and no husband. But I know that I am blessed when I make that effort and I know you will be too. It's important for our kids to get used to going and for us to be the good examples of going to church each week.
Good luck and keep it up!
this sounds all too familiar! :) i have 3 also (twins 4yo and a 2yo) and it's harder when you are outnumbered. i 2nd that it is normal but i feel your frustration...i have been in the mother's lounge in tears just trying to deal with my kids and what seems like the neverending task of getting them to settle down. i promise it passes. my 4 year olds are finally doing sooo much better! let me make a sggestion that a sister in our ward did w/her kids. i haven't done this w/mine b/c it doesn't work with our shcedule but it's a great idea that may work for you. she suggested having quiet time everyday at your house during the same time as sacrament mtg. each child that is old enough (and go ahead and start them young even if they can't do it the whole time yet) sits in a quiet spot w/whatever you would occupy them with during sacrament mtg, whether it be books, coloring, quiet toys, etc. (have diff ones at the actual sacrament mtg so they have something newer and more interesting than the usual) have them sit for that hour everyday...no tv, no talking or getting up (as age allows). then when they go to church on sunday they are already used to this quiet hour. best of luck, i know it's soo hard!
I wish I could come help! Even though I have just one, I have my moments too. I think every mother questions herself in how to handle certain situations and if it's right or not. But remember, you are a good mother, and everyone has their free agency. Emma chooses to use her free agency in a not so good way, but remember, she'll learn and maybe one of her friends will tell her that it's not good to run around at church. I'll pray for ya'll, and things will get better! I love you!!
It makes me sad to hear that you are struggling so much! Don't doubt yourself--you are a WONDERFUL mother! The Savior would never encourage you to mean to a child and speaking as a child of parents with some anger issues who weren't shy of physical discipline, it doesn't create respect, it creates fear and distrust. Your kids are learning now that they can trust you and that you will help them, and you want them to feel comfortable coming to you at 2:00AM when they're teenagers and having a "real" problem.
You're kids are SOOO normal. You know mine are similarly aged and Aidan is my kid that runs up to the stand before choir practice every time he gets the chance. When Karina was about that age, Malcolm was serving as Ward Clerk, so we had a key, and we had a family home evening on reverence where we visited the church and practiced reverently walking through the chapel with arms folded and lips quiet. This helped us a little because we could remind her to do her reverant walk, but it still took some time for her to be consistantly reverant. I don't know if that would help you, but it helped her to be at the church with no other people or distractions so she could really focus on what we were trying to teach her.
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