Graduation is in 2 weeks. I don't want to think about what is going to happen between now and then, but I can't help myself. What I don't know, though, is eating me alive, and Shawn made me really think about it tonight.
We had a special fast this weekend. A fast to be blessed with employment. I have come to realize that really, there is nothing I can physically do to help with this process. I am not the one who is doing the interviewing. This is Shawn's journey. I have to let it be his. We talked about a lot tonight. One thing that Shawn pointed out to me, that I haven't thought about is this.. I Like to be in control of things (big surprise there), and I am a planner. I don't have control of just about anything right now. I can't control whether a clinic likes or dislikes Shawn. I can't control how much the job offer is. I don't get to decide when the right job is going to come along, and I really would like that to have been last month.
I would like to plan for a move. I want to help my kids get ready, make the connections I need to, to get things established, and mentally get myself prepared. I can't do that if I have no idea where it is we are moving to.
A year ago, if someone would have told me that we would be in this situation right now, I would not have believed you. But here we are, and believe you me, I believe it now.
I have to learn to let things be as they are, and not let them disturb me so much. I don't mind change. I guess that I am learning that I don't need to be so consumed with planning and preparing and controlling things, that I loose to bigger picture.
While reading from the Book of Mormon, I was reminded what kind of a Daughter of God I want to be. A Daughter that I am not right now. I want to be valiant, true and steadfast. I want to be brave in the face of danger and uncertainties. The only way I will be that, is on my knees, asking for the help that I need cause I am no better than the next man in this journey. I have some work to do. I have some personal goals that only I can decide I want. In the process... I will have to hope, and have faith that everything I can't control will be taken care of.
In the next two weeks I would like to secure a job, sell our house and feel the peace of answered prayers. I know that the next two week with surly include messes, dirty diapers, laughing children, bus stop drop offs and pick ups, bedtimes, laundry and dishes. This is my life now. Why would knowing the future plans of our family change these things. It won't, so I will keep doing what I need to and find peace through the scriptures and on my knees.
This is a time that I will never get back. I don't want to look back at this time and have regrets. I better get to work and have a happy, positive attitude about all the fun things that are going to be taking place, with or without a job.
A Little Scare
1 week ago
4 comments:
I am planner too, and I remember going through the same thing last year. It is so hard to make plans when you don't know what plans to make. All I can say is, have an open mind as to what the Lord has planned for your family. If someone would of told me that after my husband graduated we would move to mississippi, I would of said no way!!! But, the spirit directed us here, and I KNOW that with a surety! We are suppossed to be here, and its not what I would of thought 5 years ago, but its ok. We have been blessed through our move and you will be too. What ever the Lord has in store for you, it will be ok! Hang in there!
Like that saying Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. Heather you have inspired me to be a better daughter of god. We love and pray for you. I am sure everything will work out for the best.
if you figure out how to let go of the control, will you teach me???? It's my biggest weakness... just giving in and letting go. It's so hard.
But you can do it. You're a Wade Warrior and I tell you what, we can do anything.
In my opinion (because I've got it all figured out, of course) I think you have the right attitude. A husband's employment can be a challenging thing for a stay at home mom, I think. Sometimes I'd love it if I had some great job and could say, "Go ahead hunny. Do what you want to. I'll bring home the bacon for a while." But instead I'm the one saying things like, "Start your own business? Uh, health benefits. Uh, mortgage payments..." But you are wise to let go of what you can't control and enjoy the present.
Besides, all that planning is totally overrated.
Lots of love to you, girl. Hang in there.
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