Better than expected~

I remember the day that my Mom went home after being with me when we had Mason. It was truly a sad day for me. She had come the day we had him, April 22, and stayed 4 weeks. She went home May 9, the day before her wedding anniversary. The emotions were high for me. I didn't want her to go. She was like my life line. As she was walking away from our house to her car, I thought to my self, "what now"? I was sure that these two little ones that I was suppose to care for were in for it as was I. We made it through some how.

Now I have 3 babies that I am caring for. The emotions are so very different than they were the last time I had to say good bye to my help. There are a lot of differences from after I had Mason, to now. I was so sick after having Mason. I threw up for 2 weeks. My emotions were unstable. I really had no idea what I had gotten my self into.

I have been blessed to have had so much help after having Paige. Maybe too much at times. I was really lucky to have Shawn home with me and the kids for the first 2 weeks of Paige's life. Then we were at my Mom's house for 4 weeks. I had access to both Grandma's most of the time for 4 weeks. Besides healing from my surgery, I really felt great and have been blessed with energy that I haven't had before. I haven't had any emotional break downs (which I had all the time after having Emma and Mason). Paige has defiantly given me some challenges, but I am sure a lot of those challenges are self inflicting. She has been through a lot with leaving home at 2 weeks old and spending time where ever she was taken. I am sure she didn't even know where home was or what it felt like.

When we were packing to come home last weekend, I was so happy to be getting ready to come home. There really is no place like your own home, even if it is Mom and Dad's house. I didn't have any tears or heart break as we said good bye. I didn't feel like I was loosing my life line. I felt good.

Monday morning, when Shawn left the house to go to the school, he wished me luck. Did I need luck? Maybe. I hadn't been alone with these 3 kids all day up to that point. What would the day be like. It was a great day! We were all diapered (the 2 that still are in diapers that is), dressed and fed by 8:45am and I didn't have anywhere to go. We didn't watch TV all day and we played together. Paige was napping during lunch, so Mason, Emma and I were able to eat lunch all together. Mason laid down for his nap. I got out Paige's baby book and started to fill it in, while Emma played with her princess dolls. I finished mostly all my Christmas cards, minus a few addresses. Paige woke up, I fed her and she "played" on the floor for a while. When I laid her back down, Emma and I made Fudge for our FHE dessert. Mason and Paige woke up after the fudge was done, we fed Paige and diapered both kids. Shawn came home, and everything was in order. Beds made, dishes done, house clean, dinner started.... I am sure he thought that something was wrong. I told him Paige had a good day. She didn't cry much. He then told her "Daddy's home now, so you can start crying". I am sure he said that, cause mostly when he is home, the baby cries from a long day. Not just Paige, but Emma and Mason did this to him also.

Today has been a good day also. I did my hair and makeup this morning. I feel good. I feel like I can do this thing called Motherhood.... with 2 toddlers and a baby. I count my blessings. I am grateful that this adjustment, that I pictured much worse, has gone smooth. I know it is not me. I am not that good. But I hope to be one day, and for now I practice.